Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t Heavy…

Helllerrrrrr Everyone! 🤪 Welcome to the pit of chaos that is my life since Scott deployed in March to the Middle East 🇺🇸

Since then much has taken place. I’ve graduated with my Master’s in Social Work. I’ve been hired by a school district to begin working in. I’ve put too many miles on my car taking my kids to their various therapies and extracurricular activities that it’s actually laughable to even consider not buying my car this fall when my lease is up 😂🥲 and I have been humbled at His feet more times than I can count having to solo-parent a special needs child while simultaneously ensuring the needs of my other children are met. Meeting my own needs? Haven’t heard much from her lol (even though logically, I know it needs to happen more often).

To say I have struggled and continue to do so would be an understatement. Most words don’t really measure up to what it feels like.

Do I love my children? They are the reason my heart beats. Do I think God gave me a purpose putting me on the path to social work? 10000% It has enabled me to change, to strive to be a better parent and partner. But also, to see the unseen for what felt like forever when it came to Charlotte’s needs and eventual diagnosis.

Is it hard? Excruciating.

This is the part that I often don’t talk about enough. The part that most parents of special needs kiddos don’t talk about. The ugly parts.

It is especially unique in that my partner is not able to be here to help share the load. For us to take turns to tap out, re-group, and come back ready with a fresh mind.

This past Sunday I went to church after a two month hiatus while we navigated a lot of rough waters at home. The message was, as always, exactly what my heart needed. It gave me the sense of peace and knowledge that even though things are hard, I have not been forsaken. The pastor spoke it outright, that just because we carry it well, does not mean our burdens and trials are not heavy. And I could not have said it better myself.

What I post on social media is only a small sliver of what our life is. And most often, it isn’t the ugly that occurs. So often I think we are used to seeing that from others on our socials that in becomes a condition.

If you post the ugly, you’re seeking attention, making others uncomfortable and uninformed.

Well I am here to tell you that if you haven’t gotten the memo as of late, I don’t give two craps what you think 🤣 And if it makes you uncomfortable, then you have some soul searching to do and education needed.

Though it might be small compared to some platforms, God gave me a voice to use. I choose to use it to advocate and educate on the issues that “plague” our daily lives: Parenthood. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

If we don’t ever talk about the ugly then we force it to remain hidden in the dark, whispered about and to be shamed. The ugly can be what forces change, more advocacy, questions asked and the ability to hopefully spread acceptance.

Special Needs parenting is not always pretty, in fact, it can be pretty ugly. As is parenting my other children in an effort to ensure they do not become “glass” children (siblings of a special needs child who are overlooked, or seen through because of their siblings severity of struggles).

I think in a way I have always tried to be transparent with our life that we live in an effort to help others not feel shame and loneliness. However, I need it to be vastly understood that even though I post about, does NOT mean I know it all, have it all figured out and put together.

All of this to say, just because I bear the weight of our current life well, does not meant it is not heavy.

If you find yourself in similar dark corners struggling, know that I am here for you and stand in solidarity with you through the beautiful times and the ugly. After all, parenthood isn’t a walk in the park.

Or if it is, it’s Jurassic Park 🤣😉

-Darby